There will be times when you disagree with your significant other. Some fights are more serious than others, but they most be handled carefully. With the right techniques, you can actually feel closer than ever. So men, it's time to learn how to fight like a girl.
What not to do:
Scooter and I had a complicated relationship to say the least. One night, we were fighting about whether dogs were better than cats (I changed the argument topic to avoid ridiculousness overload). I was saying that dogs were better and listed the reasons. Scooter's response went a little something like this:
"Well, you're just wrong." Strike one.
"I understand all of your points, but you need to see that I'm right." Seriously, I can't make this up.
"I'm older than you so you have to respect my experience on this." Strike two.
"Well, I'm going to do what I want anyway." Oh, he's as simple as the shirt on his back.
What you should have said:
We've all heard to use "I" statements and to not place blame. These are good words of advice. To really implement them in your relationship will take some talent. By fighting more like your girl does, you can bridge a bond of understanding and you can improve your communication skills and hers too. Here's a rundown of how it works. Using the same scenario as above, start like this:
1) State the obvious, fights can spiral out of control so first nail down what problem you have to solve. "It seems to me that I am a cat person and you are a dog person. Because it is something that is important to both of us, we need to talk out our differences and find a solution that makes us both happy.
2) List how you feel. Women LOVE when men talk, especially about their feelings. It makes us feel closer to you, so give it your best shot. Besides, real men aren't afraid of anything ;) Say something like, "I like cats because... When you say that you don't like cats I feel... I care about you and I want our relationship to work so I want to hear your side and I'm willing to compromise" This may seem like kindergarten, but insecurities come out during a fight. You're also encouraging her to rationally talk about her own feelings which avoids her throwing dishes, hairdryers, etc. at your head. Putting in this kind of effort and ending with reassuring comments will get you to make-up sex in no time.
3) Offer up a compromise. "If we do end up together, maybe we can get a cat and a dog. That way we will both be happy." Referring to how the compromise can positively impact your future together will send her into a compromising frenzy. Congratulations because you just successfully ended your up-hill battle.
Happy dating! :)
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I'm In Lesbians With You
Men, there comes a point in time when you too feel like Scott Pilgrim and want to tell your girl just how much you care. Take a lesson from my past and learn what not to do, but also how you can make it a moment your girl will treasure forever.
Scooter and I had been dating for a decent amount of time when I finally broke out the topic, "What does love mean to you?" Pictures of Pride and Prejudice, The Notebook, and A Walk to Remember blurred through my mind as I waited for his response. Being a very practical person, Scooter turned to me and looked me in the eye as he said, "Some people believe that love is nothing more than chemical reactions in our minds, but that's not what I believe. I believe that people create the idea of love in their heads to mask their insecurities about their own inadequacies." <me> Rage quit.
What you should have said:
Marshall and I had been dating a decent amount of time when I finally broke out the topic, "What does love mean to you?"... Wait, why does this sound familiar and why am I concerned about how he might respond? Too late to take it back, I waited for his response. Marshall replied simply by saying, "As far as love is concerned, I'm firmly believe in the idea of passionate love, where loving someone isn't so much an emotion as it is a state of being. Attraction and infatuation combined with enjoying spending time with them, caring deeply for them, and doing everything within your power to be happy together is love for me." (melt) What more could a girl ask for? :)
Men, I don't want you to think this blog is solely to make fun of your mistakes; although it is a recreational sport for some girls, Robin and I are here to help you LEARN.
So take a page from Marshall's book. Be honest in your response and you will have success. If you feel like Scooter I would suggest getting out of your current relationship. Unless you're with a girl who makes you believe in love and everything wonderful that comes with it, you have no business discussing lesbians.
How to say lesbians:
Warning: this will frighten you if you have not found The One, but saying I love you is practice for when it comes time for you to propose and it's almost equally as important. So when you are getting ready to say the L word, put some thought into it. If you have female friends in relationships, it is a good time to ask for their advice. Every girl is different, some want grand gestures and some want intimacy so just use your best judgment on this one. My advice would be to write it out first and to practice reciting it. When you tell her, be holding her hands and looking her in the eye. Body language is so important and you want her to know that you are serious and that you mean every word you are saying. Most importantly, focus on giving an honest depiction of your feelings (stick to the positive and nothing pessimistic) and try to make her feel special. Your love is the most important gift you can ever give and she is truly someone special if you are giving it to her. So enjoy the moment, make it memorable...
And welcome to the big leagues.
Scooter and I had been dating for a decent amount of time when I finally broke out the topic, "What does love mean to you?" Pictures of Pride and Prejudice, The Notebook, and A Walk to Remember blurred through my mind as I waited for his response. Being a very practical person, Scooter turned to me and looked me in the eye as he said, "Some people believe that love is nothing more than chemical reactions in our minds, but that's not what I believe. I believe that people create the idea of love in their heads to mask their insecurities about their own inadequacies." <me> Rage quit.
What you should have said:
Marshall and I had been dating a decent amount of time when I finally broke out the topic, "What does love mean to you?"... Wait, why does this sound familiar and why am I concerned about how he might respond? Too late to take it back, I waited for his response. Marshall replied simply by saying, "As far as love is concerned, I'm firmly believe in the idea of passionate love, where loving someone isn't so much an emotion as it is a state of being. Attraction and infatuation combined with enjoying spending time with them, caring deeply for them, and doing everything within your power to be happy together is love for me." (melt) What more could a girl ask for? :)
Men, I don't want you to think this blog is solely to make fun of your mistakes; although it is a recreational sport for some girls, Robin and I are here to help you LEARN.
So take a page from Marshall's book. Be honest in your response and you will have success. If you feel like Scooter I would suggest getting out of your current relationship. Unless you're with a girl who makes you believe in love and everything wonderful that comes with it, you have no business discussing lesbians.
How to say lesbians:
Warning: this will frighten you if you have not found The One, but saying I love you is practice for when it comes time for you to propose and it's almost equally as important. So when you are getting ready to say the L word, put some thought into it. If you have female friends in relationships, it is a good time to ask for their advice. Every girl is different, some want grand gestures and some want intimacy so just use your best judgment on this one. My advice would be to write it out first and to practice reciting it. When you tell her, be holding her hands and looking her in the eye. Body language is so important and you want her to know that you are serious and that you mean every word you are saying. Most importantly, focus on giving an honest depiction of your feelings (stick to the positive and nothing pessimistic) and try to make her feel special. Your love is the most important gift you can ever give and she is truly someone special if you are giving it to her. So enjoy the moment, make it memorable...
And welcome to the big leagues.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Allied Forces
You are not alone!
Contrary to popular belief, your girl's best friends are your best ally. With their help, you can avoid things like prolonged fights, bad gifts, and you can reclaim your Guys' Night. As always, let's take a look into what not to do.
Scooter and I were dating. Since Scooter was picked by my friends for me to date I thought I would finally have their approval. So wrong! Little did I know Scooter had talked to my girls after we started dating (Cat will represent one of my friends). The conversation apparently went something like this:
Scooter: Hey Cat
Cat: Hi Scooter! How was the movie last night? I heard you took Lily out to see Kick Ass. :)
Scooter: Yes, it was good. I wish you could have been there.
Cat: ... Why?
Scooter: Because before I started dating Lily, I liked you.
Cat: Don't ever speak to me again.
I do have some of the best girl friends in the world <3. Needless to say, every chance my friends got they bashed the heck out of him (only they never told me why so I was a bit confused). Eventually, I broke up with Scooter (after much encouragement from my girls). Men, do not be a Scooter. EVER!
What you should have said:
Your girls friends can be your allies behind the enemy lines. To ensure their approval, follow Robin's new guy's example. We will call him Kevin.
On sweetest day (because any chance to show your girl you care IS a holiday), Kevin brought Robin over a piece of her favorite cheesecake, a card, and a case of Yoohoo. He secretly messaged me on Facebook and asked if I would assist him in surprising her with these thoughtful presents. I agreed, of course! When Kevin brought over the goods on our secret mission day, he also had brought me a piece of cake for helping him surprise Robin (my approval can be bought with chocolate). Ever since, I have been Kevin's ally. When they have an argument or when she needs assurance, I am there. I will be there to listen to Robin, but I'm also there to remind her what a great guy Kevin is and will put her mind at ease.
Needless to say, her friends can make your life a lot easier!
Don't know what to get your girl for her birthday? Ask her friends :)
Don't know how to tell your girl you need some guy time? Set up a girls' night :)
So men, stalk up on chocolate and get ready to impress your girl and your new best friends. :)
Contrary to popular belief, your girl's best friends are your best ally. With their help, you can avoid things like prolonged fights, bad gifts, and you can reclaim your Guys' Night. As always, let's take a look into what not to do.
Scooter and I were dating. Since Scooter was picked by my friends for me to date I thought I would finally have their approval. So wrong! Little did I know Scooter had talked to my girls after we started dating (Cat will represent one of my friends). The conversation apparently went something like this:
Scooter: Hey Cat
Cat: Hi Scooter! How was the movie last night? I heard you took Lily out to see Kick Ass. :)
Scooter: Yes, it was good. I wish you could have been there.
Cat: ... Why?
Scooter: Because before I started dating Lily, I liked you.
Cat: Don't ever speak to me again.
I do have some of the best girl friends in the world <3. Needless to say, every chance my friends got they bashed the heck out of him (only they never told me why so I was a bit confused). Eventually, I broke up with Scooter (after much encouragement from my girls). Men, do not be a Scooter. EVER!
What you should have said:
Your girls friends can be your allies behind the enemy lines. To ensure their approval, follow Robin's new guy's example. We will call him Kevin.
On sweetest day (because any chance to show your girl you care IS a holiday), Kevin brought Robin over a piece of her favorite cheesecake, a card, and a case of Yoohoo. He secretly messaged me on Facebook and asked if I would assist him in surprising her with these thoughtful presents. I agreed, of course! When Kevin brought over the goods on our secret mission day, he also had brought me a piece of cake for helping him surprise Robin (my approval can be bought with chocolate). Ever since, I have been Kevin's ally. When they have an argument or when she needs assurance, I am there. I will be there to listen to Robin, but I'm also there to remind her what a great guy Kevin is and will put her mind at ease.
Needless to say, her friends can make your life a lot easier!
Don't know what to get your girl for her birthday? Ask her friends :)
Don't know how to tell your girl you need some guy time? Set up a girls' night :)
So men, stalk up on chocolate and get ready to impress your girl and your new best friends. :)
I'm So Sorry!
Men, even with the help of this incredible blog you may find yourself in a situation where you made a mistake and need to apologize to your girl. As always, we're here to offer you easy and painless advice to your problems. Let's have a little fun looking at what not to do first:
One night, I finally confronted Punchy about how he had forgotten to get me a Christmas present (about a month after Christmas). I didn't blame him, I just wanted to talk it out so that the incident wouldn't come between us. Punchy responded with, "Okay, I've been a jerk about this. That being said," no, Punchy, no! "It's your fault that you're so hard to buy for. What am I supposed to do when you go out and buy yourself jewelry?" You're wrongfully assuming that I wouldn't love something that you got me more than what I've gotten myself. And you're actually assuming a woman can have too much jewelry (shake my head). "Or when you constantly one up my gifts? I got you a stuffed panda for your birthday and then you go and make me a stuffed animal of my favorite character from my favorite book?!" Umm, they don't make them stuffed animals of your favorite character so I couldn't just buy one, but I wouldn't have wasted HOURS of my life making it if it was just going to make you act this way. "So because of all of this, you don't deserve a gift." Well, that last part was a bit exaggerated but considering Punchy never apologized and actually said he should have just gotten me a gift, I still assume to this day that it is how he feels. (*See our gift giving article to avoid this mistake).
What you should have said:
Guys, I understand how easy it is to make a mistake. With anniversary and holiday dates, things can get crazy and you can forget a present here or there. Heck, you might just stare at the waitress a little too long. You might just forget to appreciate your girl and to tell her how much you care about her. If any of these situations happen to you, here's what you need to do:
You forgot to give her a gift for something:
I may like honesty, but I would actually recommend that if you can get away with lying in this situation DO IT. Women associate gifts with how much you care about us, it sounds insane and greedy, but in this society where your fellow men screw you over by being jerks, your girl will worry that your words and actions could be lies. A gift is something concrete. It lets us know that we are cared for and that you want to provide for us, which also makes you incredibly sexy and irresistible (also see future article, How to get what you want in bed). By giving her a nice gift, you will be showing her that you are future-husband material (and Cosmo has said that girls have better orgasms when they're emotionally attached). So make yourself emotionally-attachable, men. Now that you're convinced that you need to do something for said holiday, here are my suggestions:
1) As soon as you find out about said holiday, call her favorite restaurant and make a reservation. During this call (if you know you have time) ask if you can stop by and bring flowers to be set on your table prior to your date (this will make it appear as if you've been planning this date for a while). Most restaurants will think this is adorable and totally help you make it a very special night. If you do not have time to get flowers, ask the restaurant if they have anything special they could add (it might cost a bit), or if they could just add some extra candles to your table and seat you in a more secluded area.
2) Tell your girl that you will pick her up tonight for dinner. This way, she will have time to get ready and you will have time to grab an acceptable gift. If you live together, this may be tricky, but if you have to admit you're going to pick up the flowers you "ordered" for her (if your flower store doesn't have ready-to-buy bouquets grocery stores like Giant Eagle usually do).
3) Enjoy your night and remember to say lots sweet things. You'll thank me later. ;)
You checked out another woman:
Guys, I cannot stress this enough, but whatever you do DO NOT check out another girl in front of your girlfriend. I accept that sometimes you just want to look, but unless you want to deal with an insecure girl the rest of your life, don't do anything to cause her to rightfully be insecure about your feelings. It may seem like common sense, but I find that often times it is now. If this does happen, own up to it and be honest. Try saying (in a very manner-of-fact way), "I'm sorry for looking at someone else. I forget it is something that I shouldn't do because to me no one will ever compare to you." Wait here for a response. If she is still upset, continue with, "(Insert girlfriend's name here), I'm sorry if I made you feel insecure, but you never have to worry with me. Okay?" Don't go on and on about it or she will get even more worried. Short and sweet and to the point is the best way to go. Oh, and congratulations on becoming a ninja because you just dodged that bullet.
You said something stupid:
This is a lengthy post so I'll make this short. "(Insert girlfriend's name here), I'm sorry I said (whatever you said) I was (insert emotion here) and it was so wrong of me to hurt your feelings with that lie. You are the most (opposite of said stupid thing). I never want to hurt your feelings. Can you forgive me?" Giving her the choice and admitting you were wrong are the perfect ingredients for a quick "I forgive you". And whatever you do, DO NOT BLAME HER! Good luck! :)
One night, I finally confronted Punchy about how he had forgotten to get me a Christmas present (about a month after Christmas). I didn't blame him, I just wanted to talk it out so that the incident wouldn't come between us. Punchy responded with, "Okay, I've been a jerk about this. That being said," no, Punchy, no! "It's your fault that you're so hard to buy for. What am I supposed to do when you go out and buy yourself jewelry?" You're wrongfully assuming that I wouldn't love something that you got me more than what I've gotten myself. And you're actually assuming a woman can have too much jewelry (shake my head). "Or when you constantly one up my gifts? I got you a stuffed panda for your birthday and then you go and make me a stuffed animal of my favorite character from my favorite book?!" Umm, they don't make them stuffed animals of your favorite character so I couldn't just buy one, but I wouldn't have wasted HOURS of my life making it if it was just going to make you act this way. "So because of all of this, you don't deserve a gift." Well, that last part was a bit exaggerated but considering Punchy never apologized and actually said he should have just gotten me a gift, I still assume to this day that it is how he feels. (*See our gift giving article to avoid this mistake).
What you should have said:
Guys, I understand how easy it is to make a mistake. With anniversary and holiday dates, things can get crazy and you can forget a present here or there. Heck, you might just stare at the waitress a little too long. You might just forget to appreciate your girl and to tell her how much you care about her. If any of these situations happen to you, here's what you need to do:
You forgot to give her a gift for something:
I may like honesty, but I would actually recommend that if you can get away with lying in this situation DO IT. Women associate gifts with how much you care about us, it sounds insane and greedy, but in this society where your fellow men screw you over by being jerks, your girl will worry that your words and actions could be lies. A gift is something concrete. It lets us know that we are cared for and that you want to provide for us, which also makes you incredibly sexy and irresistible (also see future article, How to get what you want in bed). By giving her a nice gift, you will be showing her that you are future-husband material (and Cosmo has said that girls have better orgasms when they're emotionally attached). So make yourself emotionally-attachable, men. Now that you're convinced that you need to do something for said holiday, here are my suggestions:
1) As soon as you find out about said holiday, call her favorite restaurant and make a reservation. During this call (if you know you have time) ask if you can stop by and bring flowers to be set on your table prior to your date (this will make it appear as if you've been planning this date for a while). Most restaurants will think this is adorable and totally help you make it a very special night. If you do not have time to get flowers, ask the restaurant if they have anything special they could add (it might cost a bit), or if they could just add some extra candles to your table and seat you in a more secluded area.
2) Tell your girl that you will pick her up tonight for dinner. This way, she will have time to get ready and you will have time to grab an acceptable gift. If you live together, this may be tricky, but if you have to admit you're going to pick up the flowers you "ordered" for her (if your flower store doesn't have ready-to-buy bouquets grocery stores like Giant Eagle usually do).
3) Enjoy your night and remember to say lots sweet things. You'll thank me later. ;)
You checked out another woman:
Guys, I cannot stress this enough, but whatever you do DO NOT check out another girl in front of your girlfriend. I accept that sometimes you just want to look, but unless you want to deal with an insecure girl the rest of your life, don't do anything to cause her to rightfully be insecure about your feelings. It may seem like common sense, but I find that often times it is now. If this does happen, own up to it and be honest. Try saying (in a very manner-of-fact way), "I'm sorry for looking at someone else. I forget it is something that I shouldn't do because to me no one will ever compare to you." Wait here for a response. If she is still upset, continue with, "(Insert girlfriend's name here), I'm sorry if I made you feel insecure, but you never have to worry with me. Okay?" Don't go on and on about it or she will get even more worried. Short and sweet and to the point is the best way to go. Oh, and congratulations on becoming a ninja because you just dodged that bullet.
You said something stupid:
This is a lengthy post so I'll make this short. "(Insert girlfriend's name here), I'm sorry I said (whatever you said) I was (insert emotion here) and it was so wrong of me to hurt your feelings with that lie. You are the most (opposite of said stupid thing). I never want to hurt your feelings. Can you forgive me?" Giving her the choice and admitting you were wrong are the perfect ingredients for a quick "I forgive you". And whatever you do, DO NOT BLAME HER! Good luck! :)
Friday, January 20, 2012
Battle of the Break-Ups Part 2
It's nice to be in control and to be the one deciding to end the relationship, but if you find yourself in the position of being the break up-ee, there is a way to take some control and walk away with your man-hood intact. First, a fun look at what not to do:
Scooter having a 5-minute conversation with himself:
I never actually responded, but added my thoughts for educational purposes.
1) Denial, "You can't break up with me. I don't want our relationship to be over so it's not over!" Sorry to break it to you, but love is not a democracy.
2) Anger, "I want all the gifts I gave you back! I gave those to the girl I loved and you are not that person!" I would, but that would involve seeing you again and that might not go over so well for your face.
3) Bargaining, "Please, just come over and we'll talk. I'll make you dinner and we'll go swimming and it will be fun :)" I almost felt bad until you wanted me to get half naked in front of you.
4) Depression, "What I am supposed to do without you? We've been together for a whole six months!" Umm, my longest relationship with 3 years. You should remember this since you obsessed about it constantly.
5) Acceptance, "Fine, well I have a new girlfriend anyway!" I see from Facebook that it's been a couple days since that happened (I had to have it verified thinking it would be impossible for a girl not to learn from my mistake). I'm happy for you, but trying to cheat on a girl in the first week of your relationship is a sign that you are a ......... (sigh) a lady doesn't say those words.
What you should have said:
Men, I understand that you can love just as deeply as any woman. This advice can actually be applied to both genders. This is the secret to making your ex second guess her decision and to put you back on top!
1) Denial, let it work in your favor. Take a second to think about what has been said. Do not speak or do anything! Silence is an acceptable response for the first minute.
2) Anger, save this for the gym. In anger you will most likely say something pitiful. I've been there. It makes you look desperate and only reinforces that your ex made the right decision. Instead, use this as motivation to get into shape and to lose those love pounds we all put on.
3) Bargaining, just when you thought anger could make you do something stupid. Nothing is worse than grovelling person. Nothing more needs to be said. Keep hold of your dignity people!
4) Depression, it's okay to be sad. Feel free to go home and break out your childhood stuffed animal and have a good cry. BUT wait until you are home! Do not cry if you can help it. Do not give your ex the satisfaction. Stay strong, my friends!
5) Acceptance, just to screw with them. As you leave, let your ex see that you're already beginning to accept what happened. Tell her that you'll see her around and strut your stuff out that door. If you can nonchalantly take off your shirt like Taylor Lautner on the way to your car I would highly suggest it! (*last part is not for girls...well, maybe) ;)
Scooter having a 5-minute conversation with himself:
I never actually responded, but added my thoughts for educational purposes.
1) Denial, "You can't break up with me. I don't want our relationship to be over so it's not over!" Sorry to break it to you, but love is not a democracy.
2) Anger, "I want all the gifts I gave you back! I gave those to the girl I loved and you are not that person!" I would, but that would involve seeing you again and that might not go over so well for your face.
3) Bargaining, "Please, just come over and we'll talk. I'll make you dinner and we'll go swimming and it will be fun :)" I almost felt bad until you wanted me to get half naked in front of you.
4) Depression, "What I am supposed to do without you? We've been together for a whole six months!" Umm, my longest relationship with 3 years. You should remember this since you obsessed about it constantly.
5) Acceptance, "Fine, well I have a new girlfriend anyway!" I see from Facebook that it's been a couple days since that happened (I had to have it verified thinking it would be impossible for a girl not to learn from my mistake). I'm happy for you, but trying to cheat on a girl in the first week of your relationship is a sign that you are a ......... (sigh) a lady doesn't say those words.
What you should have said:
Men, I understand that you can love just as deeply as any woman. This advice can actually be applied to both genders. This is the secret to making your ex second guess her decision and to put you back on top!
1) Denial, let it work in your favor. Take a second to think about what has been said. Do not speak or do anything! Silence is an acceptable response for the first minute.
2) Anger, save this for the gym. In anger you will most likely say something pitiful. I've been there. It makes you look desperate and only reinforces that your ex made the right decision. Instead, use this as motivation to get into shape and to lose those love pounds we all put on.
3) Bargaining, just when you thought anger could make you do something stupid. Nothing is worse than grovelling person. Nothing more needs to be said. Keep hold of your dignity people!
4) Depression, it's okay to be sad. Feel free to go home and break out your childhood stuffed animal and have a good cry. BUT wait until you are home! Do not cry if you can help it. Do not give your ex the satisfaction. Stay strong, my friends!
5) Acceptance, just to screw with them. As you leave, let your ex see that you're already beginning to accept what happened. Tell her that you'll see her around and strut your stuff out that door. If you can nonchalantly take off your shirt like Taylor Lautner on the way to your car I would highly suggest it! (*last part is not for girls...well, maybe) ;)
Battle of the Break-Ups Part 1
Every relationship will fail... except for one. :)
Keeping this in mind, many relationships eventually come to a point when they need to be ended. As my mother always says, "A relationship should end when it becomes more negative than positive." If your relationship is at this point there is a proper way to handle it. Just be sure that this person is not The One before taking the drastic measure of The Break Up.
I will actually be using my own mistake for this demonstration:
Towards the end of a relationship, you may become resentful of your significant other. In my case, Scooter became a woman (figuratively) and I was not willing to wear the pants in the relationship (not that I could squeeze into his skinny jeans, anyway). I personally am a bit old-fashioned in the idea, but I believe men should not wear more make-up than I do or spend more time getting ready in the morning than I do over the course of an entire week. Being fed up, I finally took my position as the man (after much dry heaving, but it had to be done) and I did what many men have done before. After a normal date, we said goodbye. Only he didn't realize that I had no intention of ever seeing him again. I celebrated a small victory of regaining my freedom. A month later, after meeting Marshall, Scooter texted me begging for an explanation and asking me to come back. I stood my ground and told him no. Looking back now, that was the only right thing that I did.
What you (I) should have said:
Everyone deserves an explanation. Even if the explanation is, "You are just annoying the hell out of me and I just can't see you anymore." I don't suggest this approach, but it's better than nothing. You MUST also follow this by de-friending her on Facebook and trying to stay FAR away from your ex for as long as possible so that she can mend and move on.
If you cannot be that blunt, there is a way to handle this situation with minimum damage done (well, as minimum as possible when feelings are involved). I am personally a fan of the truth. In fact, one of my past boyfriends sat me down and said, "I'm sorry. You are a wonderful person, but you are not The One for me. I don't want to hurt your feelings but by continuing dating I could be keeping you from meeting The One for you." I was hurt and I cried for a while, but after moving I finally realized that he was right. I've actually messaged him to thank him for being a gentleman and helping me find a good possible candidate for Mr. Right (here's hoping things work with Marshall and he doesn't find this creepy XD) Even if Marshall's not the end, some wonderful man out there is and you get the gist. It all works out for the best. :)
The most important step here that I want to stress is that you MUST leave your ex alone so that she can move on and find happiness and so that you can too. This way when you have the "past relationships" talk with the girl of your dreams (see Ghosts of girlfriends past) it will be smooth sailing. :) Best of luck!
Keeping this in mind, many relationships eventually come to a point when they need to be ended. As my mother always says, "A relationship should end when it becomes more negative than positive." If your relationship is at this point there is a proper way to handle it. Just be sure that this person is not The One before taking the drastic measure of The Break Up.
I will actually be using my own mistake for this demonstration:
Towards the end of a relationship, you may become resentful of your significant other. In my case, Scooter became a woman (figuratively) and I was not willing to wear the pants in the relationship (not that I could squeeze into his skinny jeans, anyway). I personally am a bit old-fashioned in the idea, but I believe men should not wear more make-up than I do or spend more time getting ready in the morning than I do over the course of an entire week. Being fed up, I finally took my position as the man (after much dry heaving, but it had to be done) and I did what many men have done before. After a normal date, we said goodbye. Only he didn't realize that I had no intention of ever seeing him again. I celebrated a small victory of regaining my freedom. A month later, after meeting Marshall, Scooter texted me begging for an explanation and asking me to come back. I stood my ground and told him no. Looking back now, that was the only right thing that I did.
What you (I) should have said:
Everyone deserves an explanation. Even if the explanation is, "You are just annoying the hell out of me and I just can't see you anymore." I don't suggest this approach, but it's better than nothing. You MUST also follow this by de-friending her on Facebook and trying to stay FAR away from your ex for as long as possible so that she can mend and move on.
If you cannot be that blunt, there is a way to handle this situation with minimum damage done (well, as minimum as possible when feelings are involved). I am personally a fan of the truth. In fact, one of my past boyfriends sat me down and said, "I'm sorry. You are a wonderful person, but you are not The One for me. I don't want to hurt your feelings but by continuing dating I could be keeping you from meeting The One for you." I was hurt and I cried for a while, but after moving I finally realized that he was right. I've actually messaged him to thank him for being a gentleman and helping me find a good possible candidate for Mr. Right (here's hoping things work with Marshall and he doesn't find this creepy XD) Even if Marshall's not the end, some wonderful man out there is and you get the gist. It all works out for the best. :)
The most important step here that I want to stress is that you MUST leave your ex alone so that she can move on and find happiness and so that you can too. This way when you have the "past relationships" talk with the girl of your dreams (see Ghosts of girlfriends past) it will be smooth sailing. :) Best of luck!
But it's No Shave November...
Guys, we know you believe your facial hair holds the source of your powers, but there's some basic rules we really need to go over if you ever want a female near your face:
1. If you're going to have some sort of beard, keep it clean. This means checking it multiple times a day for bits of food that might have taken root. Despite the common belief, no, your beard is not a storage unit you may keep snacks in for later. Also, it smells bad. It is a commonly accepted fact that girls do not enjoy things that smell bad.
2. Have you ever woken up one day and thought, "Gee, I really want to scrub my face with a piece of sandpaper this morning"? No? Well, neither do we, and that five o'clock shadow needs to go. It doesn't make you look like House. It isn't a fashion statement. If you're trying to look like you don't care, I really hope you have the sexual apathy to back it up, because we don't care about making out with you either.
3. Facial hair generally makes you look older. If you're trying to put on ten years, great! If not, get rid of it!
4. If you are planning on asking me to shave "down there", you had better take care of the Muppet attached to your face. It's only going to give your girl ammunition. In fact, you can use this as a bargaining chip.
5. If you can't fully explain the reasoning behind No Shave November, it isn't a valid excuse.
6. Despite what I've said, some girls actually enjoy facial hair. Just ask her what her preferences are. Also, remember that it's only hair. If you do something you're not too sure about, your hair, along with your dignity, will grow back. Eventually.
1. If you're going to have some sort of beard, keep it clean. This means checking it multiple times a day for bits of food that might have taken root. Despite the common belief, no, your beard is not a storage unit you may keep snacks in for later. Also, it smells bad. It is a commonly accepted fact that girls do not enjoy things that smell bad.
2. Have you ever woken up one day and thought, "Gee, I really want to scrub my face with a piece of sandpaper this morning"? No? Well, neither do we, and that five o'clock shadow needs to go. It doesn't make you look like House. It isn't a fashion statement. If you're trying to look like you don't care, I really hope you have the sexual apathy to back it up, because we don't care about making out with you either.
3. Facial hair generally makes you look older. If you're trying to put on ten years, great! If not, get rid of it!
4. If you are planning on asking me to shave "down there", you had better take care of the Muppet attached to your face. It's only going to give your girl ammunition. In fact, you can use this as a bargaining chip.
5. If you can't fully explain the reasoning behind No Shave November, it isn't a valid excuse.
6. Despite what I've said, some girls actually enjoy facial hair. Just ask her what her preferences are. Also, remember that it's only hair. If you do something you're not too sure about, your hair, along with your dignity, will grow back. Eventually.
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