Guys, we know you believe your facial hair holds the source of your powers, but there's some basic rules we really need to go over if you ever want a female near your face:
1. If you're going to have some sort of beard, keep it clean. This means checking it multiple times a day for bits of food that might have taken root. Despite the common belief, no, your beard is not a storage unit you may keep snacks in for later. Also, it smells bad. It is a commonly accepted fact that girls do not enjoy things that smell bad.
2. Have you ever woken up one day and thought, "Gee, I really want to scrub my face with a piece of sandpaper this morning"? No? Well, neither do we, and that five o'clock shadow needs to go. It doesn't make you look like House. It isn't a fashion statement. If you're trying to look like you don't care, I really hope you have the sexual apathy to back it up, because we don't care about making out with you either.
3. Facial hair generally makes you look older. If you're trying to put on ten years, great! If not, get rid of it!
4. If you are planning on asking me to shave "down there", you had better take care of the Muppet attached to your face. It's only going to give your girl ammunition. In fact, you can use this as a bargaining chip.
5. If you can't fully explain the reasoning behind No Shave November, it isn't a valid excuse.
6. Despite what I've said, some girls actually enjoy facial hair. Just ask her what her preferences are. Also, remember that it's only hair. If you do something you're not too sure about, your hair, along with your dignity, will grow back. Eventually.
No comments:
Post a Comment